Grandpa Smashed a Glass

Grandpa Smashed a Glass

One of the frequent questions I get asked by parents is WHY! 'WHY is my teenager so anxious? Sure, I was a little up and down as a teenager but nothing like this!'

I was in a cafe having breakfast on a rainy yet sunny Saturday morning. There was a multi-generational family having an early lunch behind me, a couple trying to enjoy their breakfast while an overly chatty dog walker kept them talking, oversharing, and fussing her two small pooches. 

The family were comprised of a baby, a small child, an older child, mum, dad, Grandma and Grandpa, making the usual sounds a family make. Just then a glass smashed with an almighty crash. It wasn't a thin pub glass, it was a heavy-bottomed, bevel edge, half pint and it cascaded across the floor in a thousand chunky pieces. The expected cuffuffle ensued. Get any pieces away from the dogs, as various tables involved themselves in the quest to get every piece. Grandpa was up on his feet in a flash and took the broom from the cafe server. 'I told you, Dad, watch the glass, it was too near the edge' came from behind me, but Grandpa just nodded and carried on sweeping. When the Cafe server came back with a dustpan and brush she tried to take the broom from Grandpa.

'No thank you he said

'it ok she said, I've got it, sir

'honestly, he said I'm ok

She tried to argue the point with him. He lifted his gaze from the sweeping, stopped, looked at her square in the eyes, put his free hand on his heart and said 'Young lady, I made the mess, I'll clean it up, THANK YOU' and the discussion was closed. 

He continued to sweep, move chairs and clean up his mess until it was done. Sat back down and continued his morning as if nothing had happened. All done he said to his little granddaughter, who had watched the whole thing as if her eyes wide with hero in them as she took it all in. 

It stayed with me all day. I recalled my own grandparents, conversations we'd had, and similar demonstrations of their values I had witnessed growing up. I remembered sayings that my grandparents passed on that I found myself saying to my kid. There were things I hadn't appreciated passed down from that generation to my parents. I didn't like the notion of sweeping things under the carpet for one. But I couldn't escape the realisation that many of their values or virtues as my Nan called them were inherently internal. Yes, she would be concerned with 'what would the neighbours think' and I have another blog in the pipeline to cover this, but there was an internal value system here that is largely diminished and in great need of resurgence. 

Self-measure and self-value are gravely disrupted in our current teenagers. With an increasing emphasis on the material world, external and physical validation is how many of our teenagers and indeed adults acquire their sense of self-worth. How many likes did my post get, how expensive do my clothes look, how does my body compare, in the gym selfie etc

When we use external validation to feel worthy we give away our power and cause ourselves suffering. This is because there is no amount of validation that will satisfy you for long. Any satisfaction will be short-lived and you will eventually need another 'hit'. When instead your sense of self, your sense of value, worth and contentment comes from yourself, everything else is a bonus. What you do when you are alone, how you garden your internal space, how much integrity you have to adhere to your values and ultimately how you hold yourself in high esteem and love are the paths to wholeness, that lead you away from anxiety. 

Grandpa smashing the glass was a reminder that it is important to remember and realign with what we truly value. This adds to a secure sense of self, yes he smashed a glass, but HE cleaned it up, with no fuss, and no shame! 

 Thanks, Grandpa!

Go Jently, there's always a way. 

Jenna